after a really really long search I have figured out how to access my Blogger again!! yeah me. But do I have anything interesting to say, probably not, I could write about my wedding planning, but really do I have time for that? Plus my wedding is almost here so a little late I think. But I will think of something.

Tim Horton’s, the Family Restaurant

Unbelievable is all I can say, I wasn’t feeling great today so during my lunch break I headed over to the London Drugs to get a little something for my stomach, then I thought why not get some soup from Tim Horton’s while I’m here. So I go in and place my order then move to the corner counter to wait for my soup and that’s when I hear a man’s voice yelling.

It was something along the lines of “shut that thing the F** up” (note - when I turn and look he is screaming at a lovely family of four with two adorable kids around the age of 3 and 6mths so when he says “thing” he is referring to the child). I was instantly shocked, thinking... that didn’t just happen. The father of the family said something back, however at this point I am not processing it as I am totally perplexed as to why yelling man is even yelling as the kids aren’t even making any noise!!

As the mom was setting up the kid’s food she also said something to the yelling man (I’m thinking, good for her!), meanwhile what can I do, I want to help, but you have to understand there isn’t a lot I can do I am completely useless whenever conflict happens. My body overloads on adrenalin and starts shaking, first in my legs then in hands and it had already started.

I found myself processing everything in slow motion and then I went to survival mode. I gripped the counter to steady myself and then I went for the full lean as I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand (ridicules I know. I wasn’t even involved, why am I shaking!). As I steadied myself against the counter another customer who was leaving said to yelling man “you should leave” (he didn’t).

Keep in mind this has all happened in a short period of time. My soup still hasn’t arrived and as I leaned on the counter I called out to the staff. Finally the sandwich maker comes over and said “sorry your food is coming” I said “yeah, but is there a manager because some customer is yelling at a family in the dining area and the manager needs to do something” as I say this I am pointing directly at yelling man.

My soup arrives, the managers are consulting and I think ok I have done as much as I can do, the managers will handle this, as there is probably a procedure for them to follow. So I change my focus to my shaking legs hmm maybe it wasn’t the best idea to park half way across the parking lot. One leg at a time I made it to my car I had to sit and wait for 10 minutes before I could drive.

As I sat, waiting for the shaking to slow down, I thought did I do enough, could I have done more? Its lunch time at a national chain which most would consider a family restaurant (isn’t one of Tim Horton’s main charities a children’s charily!!)… if you have that much of a problem with people that you can’t restrain in public from blatantly yelling at them, then maybe you just need to stick to the hooters and pubs of the world or better yet stop leaving your house period.

Yeah I am talking to you yelling man!

Breath of Fresh Air

I am sure nearly everyone has been awoken in the middle of the night for some reason or another; snoring, cat fight, babies, kick to the shin, really the list can go on and on. But I think I would take any of the latter over what woke me up the other night.

You have to picture yourself there, my head was nuzzled into the pillow perfectly, the window was cracked just enough creating the perfect temperature and the fan had a light breeze with a bit of white noise. I don’t remember if I was dreaming or not, but I do remember that moment of realization between being asleep and being awake…it was like a dream, a dream that I was being poisoned.

I felt myself choking the taste in my mouth was like a dry nastiness really I felt like I was being poisoned I have no other explanation, well other then what was actually happening. My lovely fiancée who remained fast asleep beside me had gas, yes gas, gas so bad that it woke me up not first by a sound or the smell but by the taste! I could TASTE it; I am gagging thinking about it.

When I finally had the realization that I was actually awake I went into survival mode, I shoved my face into the blanket. No, that didn’t work; I sat up and tried to take a break; No, still didn’t work. I had to leave the room, I found myself in the living room sliding the balcony door open and gasping for air all I could think was this really coming from him, he’s not a big guy.

I finished my night off on the couch, it was the safest bet, the next morning he said to me “what happened to you last night”, in disbelief I said “are you kidding me what happing to you last night…did you S**t yourself!”

Re-learning the game of golf

After years of parents, grandparents, friends and boyfriends saying “keep your head down”, ”lean forward”, “lean back”, “bend more”, “bend less” oh and my favorite “keep your eye on the ball”. I finally decided to get the advice of a professional, yes that’s right all you correction givers of my game, you are not considered professional.

It’s almost unbelievable in one lesson how much I was able to improve my game, the irony is all the instructor did was show me the correct techniques for grip, swing, stance and a few other things. With this knowledge and a little skill my improvement was amazing. I can’t wait to go again, I am positive this will take my game to a new level. Kudos to my instructor, let’s see the mad skills I will have by the end of this!

So the point is ladies, stop listening to everyone who thinks they know what they are doing and sign up for the golf lessons from a real professional. Then next time you’re on the course and your golf partner suggests to you something that will improve your game, simply say thank you and after you drive that ball, turn and smile.

Balance

So here I find myself it’s almost September and it’s almost been a year since my last post. Lots happened so far this year. I spent time focusing on my relationship and myself and now those two things are fabulous.

My relationship is stronger then ever, we are so in love it hurts. He is still a boy and he still does his annoying boy things like leave the seat up, crumple his face cloth into a ball beside the sink and walk through the house with his shoes on. However he makes up for it all with my morning kisses goodbye and my evening kissing goodnight!

Myself, well that’s been ongoing for almost a year strict focus on what I need for me, my vision board is going strong and things I put up have been coming true without me even realizing. I have focused most of this year on my health and me getting healthy. It’s crazy what you can do when you find that focus, its one thing to think, wish and dream and it’s a whole entire other thing to Do! I feel great.

So what does that leave me with... well I can't really say because there is a policy saying that I can't blog about it... but you get the drift... why is it so hard to find balance in all aspects of your life... and if I do find balance in the one that is currently out of balance will I lose balance in my relationship or myself? This is what worries me.

I have started a not so out there journal (you know I have gone old school and purchased a pen and paper) as I have started to track what I call "incidents" at my out of balance part of life. It’s crazy how restricted I am online vs. on my physical paper, as when the pen touches there is no holding back and it flows like crazy. Plus I don’t have to worry about any repercussions of having put something out there in the world for everyone to see. This one is for me.

Staying in a relationship

Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer then you should have? I wouldn’t believe half the people who said no. I think my problem is I am a Libra and if you know any Libra’s you know they try and make everything work, everyone get along and everyone happy. The problem with being wired this way is you end up attracting people who need to be taken care of, nurtured and mothered. And lets face it no women wants to mother her boyfriend... that doesn’t make us feel sexy... no it makes us think why can’t we date someone who is more of a man. I need to focus on me, not everyone else, I need to make me work, me be the best I can be. I was driving in the car today and I remembered something Sarah said to me a while back... she said “Noelene, stop volunteering, this is ridicules how can you do this for these people when you are barley getting by yourself?” I took it to heart and she was right, I was volunteering for stuff thinking I could help, but I couldn’t because I first needed to help myself. I think that saying rings true in many things, you can’t help others until you can help yourself, and you can’t love others until you love yourself!! So where does this leave me ... unhappy. Needing to take action?

Start with a small goal

I am going to set a personal goal of more blogging for me. I think it’s good for me as when in high stress I need to write it down or talk it out and I find I am more honest when writing into a blank white page opposed to going to the therapist. I don’t know why but I always feel the need to say I am doing better then I actually am when talking to the therapist... Yes I see a therapist, ever since I had my first mental breakdown at work... apparently its fairly normal to have a breakdown at some point in your life... If I had known that before my breakdown it may have been easier to deal with. So as a way to help myself move and grow I will blog, however it may be tricky as the problems I have are high stress situations that are work related and as my work has a blogging policy (I can’t blog about work), I am not sure what I will blog about. I guess I could still blog about all the crap that goes on at work and I can use different names and a different work, however I think that may just be more trouble then its worth. Ok people hold me accountable for my goal.

Karma

So I have always believed in Karma and your energy and all that stuff, however I have been really stressed out lately and I have just been a bitch to people and Karma has bit me in the ass for it.

The other day I took Shawn shopping and after loading up the car I left a nasty note on some guy's car that was parked behind me, he was all the way in my spot and there was a mark on my car (thinking from him hitting me). So the note said something along the lines of learn how to park.... yada yada ya.

So back to the karma biting me in the ass - we are driving back to drop off the groceries I said to Shawn that the note is going to bring me some bad karma... and driving we hit every red light on the way back, I said well if that’s all I get, I am getting off easy.

I spoke too soon, needless to say we arrived back at Shawn's and started to unload the groceries I picked up the six pack of Campbell’s Hardy Beef soup all wrapped in plastic and went to put it on my shoulder and BAMB some nasty stuff was pouring out all over the back seat of my car and all over my sweater and arm.... I started gagging it smelt so bad... oh the smell of rotten meat... It had to have been open for awhile and did I mention the smell... oh the vial smell!! Oh and the maggots... ewww gross.

So needless to say karma kicked me in the ass. You think I would learn after I had to frantically look for a car detailer that was open on Sunday who would clean my car... as I was painstakingly reminded of the episode of Seinfeld – you know the one with the BO, well Jerry come smell my maggot infested car now...

Needless to say I am putting my nasty note write away along with my flying finger.... :)

I need the karma gods to see the good side!!